Abstract musings: what is the ego?

What is self worth? And how is it different from ego? And how do these relate to self sabotage? There’s a lot of information out there around spirituality, evolving into your best self, and transcending the ego. There’s a lot of mixed messages. Some of this information is clear and some of it’s not. Some of it is legit and some of it’s not. And some things are widely misinterpreted. In this age of information that we’re in, there’s not really a clear source anymore to tell us what is real and what is not. 

What is real and what is not? 

That’s something I think about a lot. I question it all the time in my music, as if I’m asking someone else for the answer. As if there’s an answer to be found that can give me a straight up answer. Probably even if such an answer existed, I might hear it and not be able to absorb it. 

I think maybe that’s the reason why a lot of us are kind of struggling right now, at least with this idea of the self and how we fit into this ever-changing world. We’re still operating like 95% in the mind. We want someone to tell us what to do, how to make money, how to find the right relationship, the right job, etc. In the past you could read a book and learn how to do something and do it. And that was it. But now it’s slipperier than that. You can’t quite grasp it. Even if rules or steps can be clearly laid out in front of you, you find yourself hesitating, making excuses, still not doing it. 

In the past, we thought the problem was lack of information, and we always grasped for more. But now, we are swimming in it, and it’s clear that lack of info was never really the problem. Not the total problem, anyway. In fact, maybe information has nothing to do with it at all. Information is facts. Facts are essentially neutral, although we can certainly have strong opinions about them. 

Where am I going with this? 

Self worth. First we need to define the self. I believe that the “self” is a particular aspect of source that perceives itself to be separate. Of course, we are not separate. Separateness cannot really exist in the cosmos- whether on a molecular level or on a galactic level or in nature, nothing is isolated completely. Everything is connected in some way to the things around it. If that’s possible, then, how are we able to have this experience of being so separate -- this experience of, at times, feeling so completely lost and alone and cut off from the rest of the world? 

The mind.

The mind kind of locks us into our own limited perspective, so that we’re not able to clearly see the ripple effect of our actions on others, or how the air we breathe is circulated through all other living things, or how the cells in our being came to arrive within us after being present through our ancestors and the earth and the cosmos. The mind allows us to perceive time -- again, an illusion -- that makes it seem as though there are experiences outside of the here and now.

There aren’t. 

So to define the ego, I would say that it is the self’s perception of lack, of scarcity, of limitation based on the way that reality is filtered through the mind. And it’s fucking uncomfortable. 

Why? If separation is seemingly everywhere, why is it so uncomfortable? 

Because our natural state is wholeness and connection — communion with all other aspects of life. You can feel it in your body. If you imagine the idea of separation, illusion, disconnection, how does that feel in the pit of your stomach? Not good.

If you contrast that with love, wholeness, connection, how does that feel? Amazing. Completely different, right? Your grounded feelings and your physical body will guide you every time. 

The isolated self will always sabotage itself because it thinks it isn't enough. The integrated, whole, accepted self will thrive because that is the nature of community -- to grow and get bigger. To see yourself reflected in all people and all things.

Living within these kinds of limitations in our modern society is not only unnatural to the soul, but it wears on us over time. So we look for validation. We look for ways to make it easier. Understandably. But as long as we live in the area of the mind, it will never be enough. As long as we feed the fear and believe that the answer is anywhere outside of our own being, we will not truly find it. 

Why would we do this to ourselves? Why would we choose this? I’ve painted kind of a negative picture, but I want to bring it back to self worth. I believe if we could truly perceive the value of our experience here in this body in this lifetime -- the range of emotions we feel, the textures, the up-and-down of the human experience -- how could the self be anything but worthiness? If we could bring the knowledge of the mind into the beauty of feeling and experience, things would start to shift. Things already have shifted, as I believe this is what’s happening now. We’ve exhausted information, the need to be right, the need to compete, the need to have more. We are pursuing these things and feeling in a very deep way that they are not enough. We are finding joy in experiences, in laughter, in friendships, and we are remembering our own power. Maybe we’re remembering who we were before all these things -- maybe the reason we are here is to remember who we are from the perspective of having totally forgotten. 

What kind of magic would that bring? How would it change the way you perceive yourself? Would it be worth it? As I write this, I can feel my soul smiling.

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